Tag Archives: multiple sclerosis

From behind the veil

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It’s hard to think back; so much has happened since my last entry.
February seems like a lifetime ago. I wish I could say that it has all
been good that’s why I haven’t had time to post. It has been quite the
contrary, actually. I’ve been spending the past four months in a haze,
a sinkhole that is chronic fatigue and multiple sclerosis. I had been
forced into silence, too self absorbed and too embattled to function.
I still tried to keep up a happy front—I only post about the
travails of my cats. But even that has not been spared from misery.
Astroboy and Wednesday were diagnosed with FLUTD and were confined for
days at the vet.

Work has been… has been what? I don’t really know. I turned on the
autopilot and had forgotten to turn it off. I feel nothing.

After a scattered and unsteady and jagged start of the year, I must
salvage the next six months, find my own center again and get back to
habit of creating.

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Eyesight

Now that I am drawing and painting again, I am slowly tuning in to the present and focusing more. It seems easier for me, too, to resist the gravitational pull of the television and have cut down (a bit) on my social media time. I’m still exhausted and fatigued, but I never really expected art to be the magic cure for that! 🙂 I’m working around it, though, listening more to what my body needs at the moment.

Right now my eyes are telling me to rest. Now that I’m back on the art saddle, I’ve been abusing my eyes a bit. I look at my cats and I see them in colors. I look closely at Wednesday and she’s not just a black cat: she’s rust, gray, and streaks of white. I try to drink in all the details at once, and with my chronically fatigued eyes, it can be overwhelming at times. Maybe writing an entry in my blog was not what my eyes were clamoring for, but it’s soothing in a way. I am only staring at a white screen (with shades of yellow and blue here and there) and focusing on a non-moving and bland object seems to help. Besides, I can’t let another day pass by without logging in another entry! 🙂 I made a promise to myself, remember?

I will probably call it a night soon. There was a time in my life when I thought I was going to lose my eyesight, so I am extremely grateful that I can do this now, BUT I have to be careful, though, and should not overdo things. 🙂

So, good night, world! I’ll see you again tomorrow. 🙂

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