Ink on masking tape. Brain fog is slowly dissipating, but headache seems sharper. At least it’s not migraine… yet!
I think my brain fog is slowly clearing up. It’s been, what? Three or four weeks since I’ve been completely lucid. I don’t know if it’s the same for the other migraine sufferers, but fatigue hounds me before, during, and after an attack. I didn’t feel the actual pain of the headache—at least I don’t remember, maybe the drugs I’ve been taking made sure of that—but I still haven’t found an escape from fatigue.
I feel worn out. It’s been difficult to do simple things. Coffee has not helped—not that it has helped me in the past. I just want everything to come into focus so I can be me again and just BE!
I’ve been taking it easy the past month. I feel guilty for not working as hard as I usually do, but I know that I need to do this, be good to myself… This too shall pass. I’ve skipped blogging for a long time (it was too much effort to think much less write!) and even stopped journaling for a day or two. Like I said, I feel guilty, but what could I do? I felt tired every morning after sleeping for 8 hours!
I’ve been going to an acupuncturist for the past three weeks. I think it’s making things worse by cleaning out my system and balancing my Qi, but I need this in the long run. My body is probably just purging the toxins; I should be okay soon. They’ve given me some herbs to help boost my energy and it seems to help, but I’m not out of the woods yet. I can still hear my bed calling out to me as I write this. Patience is key. I will be out of this fog soon.
Some days are tough. You get up, you do your own thing, then something mundane happens, like receiving a phone call or a text message, and then you realize that the last straw was closer than you thought it was.
And then you have your meltdown and you get on with it. Sure, you get roughed up by life, but you have to go on. So what if carefully disguised friends are pilfering your ideas? Learn to shut your trap and create some more! So what if someone tries to hoodwink you? Learn to say no and peddle your wares to other possible clients. Having a tantrum or prolonging your cry-fest will not do you any good. These very same vultures and leeches are having a ball and reaping benefits from your ideas and hard work while you are going through a box of Kleenex in the dark. The best revenge would be to just live your life. No ifs, no buts, just live your life the best way you know. They don’t matter in the end.
So what’s it going to be?
Late last year, Moleskine came out with a limited edition notebook for The Hobbit. I had to have it, of course, so I asked my sister (who lives in the States) to get it for me. She was scheduled to visit Manila in February, so I had to wait a bit before I could get it. Of course The Hobbit notebook was released here in Manila in December… I could have gotten another one, but NO!, I wanted to wait.
My sister came as scheduled and I finally had my precioussssss. Unfortunately, I was still halfway through my other Moleskine journal so I couldn’t open it yet. You see, I was in the process of kicking my journal hoarding addiction. I had a penchant for buying one, opening it, only using a page or two, then when I see another one, I’d buy it, open, draw a bit, and then I’d see another cute one and the cycle would go on and on. At one time I had about 10 notebooks that were divested of their plastic covers, but were mainly left unused. It was quite confusing after a while because I would jump from one to the other. There was no continuity in my thoughts or my illustrations. So about two years ago, I had to promise myself to just stick to one. I had to put the other journals to good use, though, so I used them for my lesson plans and for work. I also started writing and drawing once a day.
Which brings me to my current journal. I finished my last one on May 31st. I could finally use my beloved Hobbit Moleskine! It was so pretty: it smells good, the etched cover, the map inside…
… But the paper is THIN! Thin!!! I did not expect that. I wrote on one page and the ink seeped through to the other side! ARGH. What a let down.
I still have to use it, though, so I found a creative solution to my problem: I cut up some pages from an old phonebook and stuck them on alternate pages. I’ll end up wrecking this notebook because it’s going to get really fat, but, hey!, it’s better than seeing your handwriting or drawing from the other side of the page. Annoying.
I’m still extremely disappointed, though, Moleskine. Extremely disappointed.